Forensic Nurses Week

Forensic nurses work to provide compassionate health care for victims sexual assault, while collecting and preserving vital forensic evidence that can be used in a legal proceeding. This week (Nov. 9-13) is the inaugural Forensic Nurses Week as organized by the International Association of Forensic Nurses.

Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE) are registered nurses with specialized training to identify injuries and address the medical and forensic needs of victims of sexual assault. These nurses know how to work with victims of sexual assault to prevent re-traumatization. Additionally, their advanced training in forensic evidence collection helps to increase criminal prosuction in these cause. In the state of Kansas, there are 25 hospitals and community organizations using SANE Nurses.

The Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence (KCSDV) provides training and technical assistance for Kansas’ SANE Program. As a member of KCSDV, SAFEHOME is proud to recognize these outstanding SANE nurses who meet the needs of victims of domestic violence who experienced sexual abuse. SAFEHOME’s BridgeSPAN advocates regularly work with the SANE nurses at our local hospitals.

If you or someone you know has been the victim of domestic violence, help is available 24 hours a day. If you live in the Kansas City metro, please call SAFEHOME’s hotline  at 913-262-2868. For people who live outside our area, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to connect with resources in your community.

What Men Can Do To Help Stop Domestic Violence

The Family Violence Prevention Fund has a program called “Coaching Boys into Men.” The Program offers suggestions for ways we engage young men so they grow up to be non-violent.

1. Teach Early – Be a role model for boys and other men. Men are more likely to listen to other men when it comes to perpetration of violence. Let other men know what is and is not acceptable behavior.

2. Be there – Just spending time with boys is crucial. Boys will probably not say it directly — but they want a male presence around them, even if few words are exchanged or time is spent doing activities.

3. Listen – Listen to how a boy or his friends talk about girls. Ask him direct questions about if he has ever seen abusive behaviors with his friends or at school. You may be shocked about this willingness to discuss the issue when the topic is presented to him.

4. Tell Him How – Teach him ways to express his anger without using violence. When he gets mad, encourage him to “walk it out, talk it out, or take a time out.” Remind him he can always come to you if he feels like things are getting out of hand.

5. Bring it up – Take a vocal stand against violence toward women when you see or hear it depicted in entertainment or in other’s behavior. Try watching TV or listening to music with him. If you see or hear things that depict violence against women, tell him what you think about it. And when it comes to dating, be sure he knows how to treat a partner with respect.

6. Teach Often – Remember it takes several repeats of the same message for us to remember and reinforce acceptable behavior.

7. Reach Out – If you know someone who is in an abusive situation, offer support. Providing information about SAFEHOME’s 24-hour hotline (913-262-2868) and services available make help someone seek the services they need to break free from an abusive relationship. You can also volunteer your time on an ongoing or episodic basis to help SAFEHOME. Visit our website at www.safehome-ks.org to learn more about volunteer opportunities or to download a volunteer application.

7. Speak Out – It is important to speak out against domestic violence in civic organizations, churches, children’s school, neighborhood associations, and sport teams. You can also invite speakers from SAFEHOME to come to these meetings. If you enjoy public speaking, you can also join SAFEHOME’s Speaker’s Bureau by going into these setting as one of our volunteers. We also enjoy you to write letters of support to members of the media that talk about this important issue. Your acknowledgement of their coverage gives validation to the importance of the story.

8. Make a donation – Supporting a domestic violence organization, like SAFEHOME, through in-kind and monetary donations sends a powerful message to boys. It lets them that domestic violence is an issue that effects all of us and that we can all be a part of the solution.

Located in Johnson county, SAFEHOME is a domestic violence agency that serves the needs of victims of domestic violence in our Kansas community. If you are interested in getting involved or in need of SAFEHOME services, please give us a call at 913-262-2868. If you live outside the Kansas City area, help is available by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

T-shirts Tell a Story

According to the Men’s Rap Prevention Project, 58,000 soldiers died in the Vietnam War. During that same period of time, 51,000 women were killed by their intimate partners. That statistic became a catalyst for a national movement designed to educate people about domestic violence and break the silence of violence against women. The project was simple, asking victims to share their story through words and/or artwork on the back of a t-shirt. The t-shirts would then be hung together on a clothesline to educate others about domestic violence. Additionally, creating t-shirts became a wonderful therapeutic tool for survivors. In October 1990, the original Clothesline Project was placed on display in Hyannis, Massachusetts in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Each October, Women’s Therapist Julie works with clients at SAFEHOME to create a t-shirt telling their personal story. The activity is part of SAFEHOME’s weekly Empowerment Group. This therapeutic group explores what our clients have experienced and how they can overcome past trauma. Activities include writing poetry, art projects, and analysis of things like songs that inspire our clients to persevere. The t-shirts are placed on display in the Support Group Room to serve as a message of hope for all the women who will seek safe refuge or heal through SAFEHOME’s support groups over the course of the next year.

If you or someone you know in the Kansas City area needs help, please call SAFEHOME’s 24-Hour Crisis Hotline at 913-262-2868. If you live outside the area, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to be connected with a organization in your community.

How important is language

In this blog, Audrey Cress, SAFEHOME’s Education and Prevention Advocate, talks about the importance of language and domestic violence.

The language we use to talk about domestic violence is very important.  Language shapes our understanding of our world and by tuning in and using appropriate language for the topic, we can create an environment of understanding and compassion for victims and survivors of domestic violence.

The labels we use to speak about domestic violence carry significant weight.  The terms “abuser” and “victim” are laden with many stereotypes and misconceptions that shape our understanding of domestic violence.  Abusive behavior is a learned behavior and (with much work) can be unlearned.  It is important to note that changing behavior is a very difficult process that requires a high level of commitment and can rarely be accomplished without professional help. 

Referring to people who engage in abusive behaviors as “abusers” assumes they are incapable of being anything else – of learning to be non-abusive.  Labeling the behavior rather than the person allows room for change.  The terms used to describe the person being abused (victim, survivor, battered woman, etc.) are also loaded with stereotypes and create a defined role for people.  It is important to allow the victim the opportunity to self-define – to choose the term that she feels best fits with her feelings and experiences. 

The pronouns used to discuss this topic are also significant.  Although it is important to recognize that men can be victims of domestic violence and that women can be perpetrators, statistics overwhelmingly show that many more women are being abused by men.  Many predominant men in the field of violence prevention (Jackson Katz, Don McPherson, Rus Funk) openly refer to the issue as “men’s violence against women.”  Phrasing the issue in this way allows us to recognize the reality of the situation.

In a previous column we addressed the common question “Why doesn’t she just leave?”  This question is often asked about victims of domestic violence.  Like many statements used to speak about domestic violence, this question places blame for violence within the relationship on the victim.  We rarely hear “Why is he being abusive?” though that is the question that places the accountability for abusive behavior in the appropriate place.

Another common phrase used to talk about domestic violence is “violent relationship.”  This term makes it sound like both partners are violent.  In the great majority of relationships where domestic violence is occurring, it is not the relationship that is violent – it is one of the people within the relationship.  Referring to the relationship as violent rather than the behavior of one person as violent depersonalizes the issue and reduces accountability for abusive behavior.

Creating awareness of the impact of the language we use relating to this topic will help create an environment that is supportive of victims and survivors. One that holds people accountable for abusive behaviors yet allows them the opportunity to change those behaviors. 

If you are someone you know is a victims of domestic violence help is available. Please call us 24-hours a day at 913-262-2868. If you live outside the Kansas City metro, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to be connected to resources in your community.

Loves me not…

• Is jealous
• Is possessive
• Tries to control me
• Gets violent, loses temper
• Always blames me
• Is sexually demanding
• Keeps me from seeing my friends and family
• Makes all the decisions
• Embarrasses me in front of others
• Hits me, makes me cry
• Makes me feel afraid
• Is always ‘checking up’ on me
• Controls money
• Threatens to leave me if I don’t do what I’m told
• Teases, bullies, and puts me down

If you recognize any one of these warning signs, you or someone you know may be a victim of abuse. You are not alone and help is just a phone call away. If you live in the Kansas City metro area, please call SAFEHOME at 913-262-2868. In addition to our 24 hour hotline, SAFEHOME offers safe shelter, outreach counseling, court advocacy, and several other services to meet the needs of victims of domestic violence. All services are free and confidential. If you live outsides the area, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to be connected with a domestic violence agencies in your community.

 

** Adapted from the Soroptimist International of Winfield, KS.

Loves me…

• Makes me feel safe
• Makes me feel comfortable
• Listen to me
• Values my opinions
• Support what I want to do with my life
• Is truthful with me
• Admits to being wrong
• Respects me
• Always tried to understand how I feel
• Likes that I have other friends
• Makes me laugh
• Trust me
• Treat me as an equal
• Respects my family
• Understands my need for time alone or with family
• Accepts me as I am

The preceeding was a list of qualitities of a healthy relationship. Everyday deserves to be loved and happy.

SAFEHOME’s mission is to break the cycle of domestic violence and partner abuse for victims and their children by providing shelter, advoacy, counseling and prevention education in our community. To learn more about healthy relationships visit our website at www.safehome-ks.org .

** Adapted from Soroptimist International of Winfield, KS.

10 Things To Do If You Are In An Abusive Relationship

1 When violence occurs, if you are threatened or afraid, call 911.

2 Take your children and go to a safe place.

3 Go to the Emergency Room if injured. You can ask to speak with a representative from a domestic violence agency at any Kansas City area hospital. Advocates are available 24 hours a day within 30 minutes of the call.

4 Call SAFEHOME 24-hours hotline at 913-262-2868. We are here to listen or provide you with resources to help keep you safe.

5 If leaving home, take important documents: birth certificates, bank, car & insurance documents; social security cards; picture I.D.

6 Try to set aside extra cash in a safe place.

7 Hide an extra set of car and house keys outside or at a neighbor’s house.

8 Pack a set of clothes and shoes for you or your children and store with a friend, neighbor or church.

9 Obtain a Protection From Abuse order. SAFEHOME has District Court Advocates available to help you complete the paperwork and support you through court proceedings.

10 Know that you are not alone, and confidential, affordable help is available. If you are using a safe computer, visit our website at www.safehome-ks.org for more information on domestic violence and the free services SAFEHOME provides. If you live outside the Kansas City metropolitan area, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to find resources available in your community.

Services Available For Victims of Domestic Violence

When most people think of domestic violence, they often use the word shelter. However, most domestic violence agencies are comprehensive service providers with many resources and community partners to ensure all clients needs are meet.

To access SAFEHOME services, please call our 24-hour crisis hotline at 913-262-2868. In addition to safe shelter, counseling, child care, school and community education programs, Johnson County District Court and hospital advocacy, and civil legal assistance. All services are free and confidential. Each year, SAFEHOME assists over 6,500 victims of domestic violence and their children in breaking free from the cycle of violence. To learn more detailed about SAFEHOME services, please visit our website at www.safehome-ks.org.

SAFEHOME is located in the Johnson County part of the Kansas City metropolitan area. If you need assistance to locate a domestic violence agency outside the Kansas City area, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

Power & Control

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse can physical, sexual, emotional/psychological, or financial.

What is physical abuse? Physical abuse is when someone  hits, slaps, kicks, punches, or bites you.

What is sexual abuse? Sexual abuse is when someone forces you to do something sexual that you do not want to do.

What is emotional/psychological abuse? Emotional abuse includes putting someone down, name calling, or making the victim think they are crazy. Abuser often use coercion and threats to control their victims. These threats may include taking the children away, that the abuser will commit suicide, or that they may kill them. Intimation through gestures, destroying property, harming pets, or displaying weapons can also be psychologically damaging.

What is economic/financial abuse? Economic abuse when a partner prevents their significant other from getting or keeping a job. It may also include not allowing their partner to has access to the family income.  In some cases, abusers destroying a partners credit to keep them in the relationship.

Although every victim experiences different things in their relationships, most victims identify with the Power & Control Wheel created by the Domestic Violence Intervention Project in Duluth, MN. To learn more, please go to:

http://www.safehome-ks.org/SiteResources/data/files/Power%20&%20Control%20Wheel.pdf

If you or someone you know is experiencing any of the types of power and control listed above, help is available. In the Kansas City metro area, please call SAFEHOME’s 24-hour hotline  at 913-262-2868. We can help you will shelter, free individual counseling, or assistance in filing a protection from abuse order. If you living outisde the metro, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to be connected with resources in your community.

Ways to Observe Domestic Violence Awareness Month

In October 1987, the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was observed as the national domestic violence toll-free hotline was started. Although activities vary across the country, the common themes include mourning those who have died, celebrating survivors, and connecting people together to end domestic violence. Here are just a few of the ways you can be a part of the solution in our community.

	Have your place of employment host a Denim Day. Invite SAFEHOME to speak at your service group, faith community, or business. Do a drive to collect used cell phones. Become a SAFEHOME volunteer. Create an online fundraising page and ask people you know to support SAFEHOME by making a donation. Host a drive to collect items on SAFEHOME’s Wish List. Hold a special event with proceeds supporting SAFEHOME services. Become a Table Captain or attend our annual Home Safe Home luncheon. Collect loose change or create a “Penny Competition” team building activity to benefit SAFEHOME. Visit us online at www.safehome-ks.org to learn more. For nearly 30 years, SAFEHOME has provided safe refuge and support services for victims of domestic violence in the Kansas City metro. To get involved, please call us at 913-432-9300.